Angry enough to die? No, but it kinda put a damper on the weekend.




Angry enough to die? No, but it kinda put a damper on the weekend.
My first post on this blog was right after the engagement of my daughter. This past weekend, she was married. As the father of the bride, I’ve given myself a couple days to reflect on this new stage of life (as much for me as for her) and try to process some of the emotions I’ve been experiencing.
Things that surprised me…
Worship - Most weddings are the biggest day of a bride’s life. It is a day she has dreamed of since childhood, and we all encourage the fairy tale aspect of a wedding. One local wedding chapel advertises on its website “…well Cinderella, you’ve found your price charming! Now all you need is the perfect ballroom…”
I’ve been in other ceremonies where the couple’s desire was for the event to be one of worship. And so, they have a worship band lead the congregation in singing. They have the elements many would associate with worship. And, I believe, God honors their intent.
However, in this wedding, there was no “congregational singing”, no opportunity for response. Katy & Renjy stated in their program that all the attention on them makes them extremely uncomfortable and that they did not want to do anything that would steal any of God’s glory. In other words, this event was to be all about God. The music, the message (one of the best I’ve ever heard), and every element of the ceremony pointed to God, His supremacy, and His goodness. Not even a single love song to each other.
What surprised me was that more than any wedding I’ve ever been to (and more than most church services) worship happened. Looking back, I say “of course, that’s what we wanted”… but it still surprised me – caught me off guard, in a wonderful way.
No Tears, Just Joy - For the past several years, whenever I have seen the bride walk down the aisle, I’ve gotten choked up anticipating the day when I would walk Katy the aisle. I pretty much knew I would be a mess when the time came. However, when the moment came, I was so caught up in worship – so overwhelmed with a profound sense of God’s goodness and His pleasure with this event, that I could do nothing but join that “celebration dance” and escort my daughter down that aisle with greater joy than I can recall in years… perhaps since that precious daughter was born.
A bit of advice on how to marry a daughter…
I realize that most of you don’t know my new son-in-law. Renjy is an amazing addition to our family. When they became engaged, many of my daughter’s girlfriends said “wow, he’s hot!” My wife’s friends all talked about the beautiful children they would have one day. There was no shortage of young women at this wedding looking mighty forlorn, wishing it was they who were walking down the aisle with Renjy. And, no shortage of young men wishing it was they who were waiting at the front of the church for Katy. I have been the envy of many a father with a marriageable daughter. Many of them have asked me “how did you get so lucky to get Renjy as a son-in-law?”
Here’s what I know… from the day she was born, we began praying for who Katy’s spouse would be. Praying that he would be a devoted follower of Jesus. Praying that his parents would model for him what a godly marriage relationship looks like. Praying for his purity in relationships, and that he would save himself for Katy.
We also taught Katy from a very early age that beauty, true beauty, comes from the inside, not from the outside. Not from dressing a certain way, or having a lot of makeup on. True beauty would come from her Spirit-driven compassion for people, and from the light of Christ shining out of her. Her name means “pure” and we were convinced that a character of purity would be an attractive light others. And we prayed that God would cause her to live out that purity. She has done that. And in his own words, that character is what drew Renjy to Katy.
Raise them to love and follow God. And pray for them everyday. Simple. Ha! Not simple at all. It’s a lot of hard work. But sitting back, reflecting on this day, it was worth it.
Thanks God, for pouring out Your blessings on us.
Several years ago I found myself discouraged in ministry and questioning whether I should hang in where I was serving, go find another ministry to serve in, or leave it entirely and go back to being a tile setter (my previous trade).
I pretty quickly ruled out setting tile, as I still had a strong sense of God’s call on my life and a gifting for leading worship. But I decided that I would look for another church to go to. I had become convinced that I had to go somewhere else to find the church I was looking for.
Over the course of about 2 years God (I’m convinced it was God, and not just coincidence) closed door after door. One of the last ones I pursued was a “done deal” in everyone’s mind. It was a perfect fit, and we would be moving to the other side of the country. Then at the 11th hour, God again closed the door. I knew with certainty that He wanted me to stay, but I was not very happy about it. I had become resigned to the fact that I may never find the church I was looking for.
Then an amazing thing happened. God began to change me, and He began to change us. Slowly, but surely, I began to see glimpses of that church I was looking for… right here! A church committed to being something more than a gathering of white people, pretending to be perfect, going through the motions of “church”.
This weekend was a continuation of that discovery. This weekend we looked at the conversation between Jesus, the shaming Pharisees, and a woman caught in adultery. Jesus masterfully calls them on their “shame game”, extends grace and forgiveness to the woman, and all the while maintains a strong stance on purity “…now go, and quit sinning.”
After spending some time in John 8, we responded in worship by acknowledging that all of us have “junk” (the Bible calls it sin) and that we’d be a whole lot better off if we’d just admit it (the Bible calls that confession) and allow the cross to do what it was intended to. A friend of mine says that the church ought to be more like an AA meeting “Hi, I’m Dean, I’m a sinner”… “Hi Dean.” I think he’s right.
We ended the service with a testimony by one of our staff and their spouse. In it, they “came clean” on a pretty big sin committed years ago. They talked about how shame had kept them hostage for years. Afterwards, people embraced this couple, affirmed their love for them, and many began to seek freedom from their own shame. I also know that in many churches, perhaps most, this person would have been ostracized and removed from any kind of ministry.
Okay, I know… it’s been a while. Too long. But I've been really busy. It’s funny to me that my last post was about the “big hill” of Easter. I didn’t know it then, but right after that – the really steep switchbacks would start. I think (knock on wood) that the terrain is now going to level out for a bit.
The week after Easter I had a little “procedure” to correct an umbilical hernia (who ever heard of that? – crazy!) It was a day-surgery, so I thought I’d be back in the groove in a day, right? Wrong. Took about a week to feel that my bowels weren’t going to fall out of my belly. (sorry, that’s sick – I know)
The week after that, I traveled to
The next week I was in
But this weekend, I decided “what the heck, we’re a whole room full of priests (1 Peter 2:9) – why don’t we have someone from the community pray the invocation. Now, this can be a bit scary if no one steps up – but thankfully, in each service, someone did. And it was really, really good. The prayers were really beautiful, unrehearsed cries for God to come and meet with us, and for us to be changed in His presence. And, I think for the most part, God really answered those prayers.
In one of the services, a young woman prayed. Her prayer was so honest, and so beautiful, and so… sacred. It was the prayer of a priest. In her honesty, she said “God, I don’t really know why I’m here tonight.” And later… “but please come here and meet with us tonight, cuz we really need you.” But in between those statements, right after the “…I don’t know why I’m here tonight.” She said “… I just know Christians are supposed to go to church.”
“Christians are supposed to go to church.” Really? I just finished a book by Eddie Gibbs on the
Many of the people who come to the Saturday night service are younger people who really identify with a lot of the emergent church language. So, when I quote Gibbs about being the church rather than just going, they are all over that like stink on a pig (I have a cowboy friend who says that). There is a growing understanding that the church must be missional, must be Christ in the community, in the world. I’m all over that like… well you know. One of my favorite (and most convicting) Scriptures is Isaiah 58 where God talks about the kind of fast he desires. It’s not a fast from food, but rather a fast from selfishness where we take care of the poor and the hungry, the orphan and the widow. If we want to please God, that kind of living is not an option. It is a mandate for the church (James hits this in his book in the New Testament too)
However, sometimes we (dang… I’m gonna step on toes here) get excited about “being the Church” out there, and forget that “being the Church” also means when we’re gathered. In fact, while the word “Church” carries a meaning of “called out ones”, its main meaning is “the gathered ones”. So, what does it mean to “be the Church” when we’re gathered? This is already getting long, so let’s let the commenting cover some of what it might involve. But I can tell you that one of the things it ISN’T. It isn’t sitting passively, watching the paid guys do “church”. All who gather for the worship service (or work) must come ready to do the work of the service. Granted, for many parts of the service, permission and freedom must be given by the paid guys so that the people can do it, but way too often I see the same devout indifference that I grew up with in my childhood tradition.
So here’s what I really wanted to say… I think Christians are supposed to be church, not just go to church. I also think that there is action involved in being the church. So, I guess I would say that not only are we to be the church, but we’re to do church too. I wonder what would happen if everyone who came to church put their best effort into being and doing church. What does that look like? Not sure… I’ve never seen it. Shall we try it?
And, by the way, Heather… I think you were being and doing church when you led us all in that wonderful invocation on Saturday. Thanks.
I know you’d expect that response from a proud dad – but for most of the play I forgot that he was my son. I was captivated by this disturbing, yet tender story of marginalized people we’d rather not know about, yet live in all of our communities.
Norman, Lucien, Arnold, Barry, Sheila, & Clara were characters in the play with varying degrees of mental challenge that spoke truth into the lives of those watching.
I was reminded of a time that we lived next to a group home. Many times when friends came over, jokes were made about the “hockey team” living next door. This was supposed to be a funny reference to the helmets they wore when riding the bus to their “jobs” at the center.
I was reminded that we are pretty quick to make fun of things that make us uncomfortable. Laughing at those things is somehow supposed to make us feel better about ourselves.
On my flight home (the play was in LA, I live in Portland), I sat across from a mentally handicapped woman. Isn’t it interesting that I would have that as my first “public” experience after seeing this show. I watched people avoid her. I watched her trying to navigate in a world that so often doesn’t make sense. And while people were generally helpful, they became frustrated pretty quickly too.
Several months ago, I had the incredible honor of baptizing a friend of mine. Paul is a 14 year old boy with Downs Syndrome. He loves Jesus and understood His command to be baptized, so we did it. In his interview, he talked about his love for Jesus and for people. He told me that he prays for people. I asked him what kinds of things he prays for. He said that he prays that he can understand them. How odd. Here we were in a room full of “normal” people, and Paul (who we struggled to understand) nails us by letting us see that he has a better grasp of the faith than most of us… and he prays for us. Incredible.
Last night, the “boys next door” gave me a sobering reminder that what we all think of as “normal” is nothing but a pretty thin façade. And none of us… none of us, is further than an accidental fall, an unexplained illness, or some quirky gene mix-up away from "abnormal" ourselves.
Thank you Norman, Lucien, Arnold, Barry, Sheila, & Clara for helping me see this in a fresh way. And thank you, Andy, for letting
In gratitude,
A proud dad
Which begs the question why? Why would a pastor (especially one in a tradition that has never used incense) begin using it? It’s easy to argue for its use from the Old Testament. Exodus chapter 30 gives us very specific instructions for its use and even includes the recipe! But in the New Testament, there are no instructions for its use (no condemnation either) and so many church traditions have turned away from the use of incense to enhance worship.
One last thing. If you decide to use incense in a church that never has, you need to know about the protestant cough. The protestant cough is a phenomenon that occurs with some people who believe they are allergic to the incense. So, first of all, you need to know what’s in it. If you are buying pure frankincense, you’re buying pine pitch. You could, I suppose, use it to increase your grip on your baseball bat, or to help start your campfire. I’ve checked with some in the medical community who have assured me that it is highly unlikely that anyone could be allergic to this stuff. There have also been “tests” where no incense is put in the censer or thurible, but the cough persists! Well, at any rate, you should know that some will hate it and cough and sputter. You’ll need to figure out how to deal with that… I’m still trying.