Saturday, January 27, 2007

Stuff Happens

Stuff happens.

What do the world’s religions have to say about this vexing existential problem?

Taoism: Stuff happens. Who gives a stuff?

Hinduism: This stuff has happened before and will happen again.

Buddhism: The stuff that happens doesn’t really.

Zen: What is the sound of stuff happening?

Islam: The stuff that will happen will happen.
Judaism: Lord, why is this stuff happening to me?

Evangelicalism: Jesus, we praise you, we bless you, and we just really wanna ask "why this stuff isn’t happening to someone else"?

Catholicism: Stuff happens because you deserve it.

Open Theism: Stuff happens to God too.

Pentecostalism: Tuffs appensh.

High Church Anglicans: Verily, verily, stuff happeneth.

Atheism: Stuff happens. Then you die. No more stuff.

Rastafarianism: Let’s smoke the stuff.
Hare Krishna: "Stuff" happens! "Stuff" happens! "Stuff" happens! "Stuff" happens! . .

Jehovah's Witnesses: Let us in and we'll tell you why stuff happens.
Quakers: Quietly praise God for the blessings that stuff brings.

Calvinists: Stuff won't happen to you if you work hard enough.

Christian Scientists: Agree that there is no stuff.

Televangelists: Stuff won't happen to you if you send in your love offering.

Any that were missed?

HT to Monastic Mumblings for this hilarious bit of... stuff.


Brad said...

Southern Baptist - Stuff happens, now pass the grits.
Coptics - Stuff happens, but only if it would happen again.
Zoroastrians- stuff happens, hide it- quick.
Mormons- stuff happens- let's send it to Utah and see if it really did - then, we'll send it on a mission.
Jesuits - stuff happens and then you have to punish those that claim they saw it.

Thanks for sharing.


Kim G. said...

Agnostic - I'll take that stuff, and that stuff, but you can keep that stuff over there.

(A lame attempt but a try at least)

Dean Christensen said...

Baptist - We'll dunk you in water and wash that stuff away.

Mormon - Our stuff's a secret, like our underwear.

Mordecai Lament said...

Materialism -- He who dies with the most stuff wins (Okay, LAME, but it WAS missing.)

Gnostic -- Stuff is evil.

Alternative Calvinist -- Some stuff is pre elected, other stuff isn't.

Fundamentalist -- Burn that stuff! Seperate yourself from the stuff!

Amish -- Stuff? What's Stuff?

So goes my lame attempt at humor. *sigh*

Matt Mikalatos said...

Okay, slightly off topic, but do you guys know what the Zen Master said to the hot dog vendor?

"Make me one with everything."

Ha ha ha haaaa!